just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
