worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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