I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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