I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
