The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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