So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
