I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
