Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
