but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
