I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
