I wish my penis had an off switch
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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