I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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