u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
