OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
