smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
50% drunk capacity currently
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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