We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
