Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
