Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
