I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just forgot I was standing up.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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