A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
