So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
