This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
