Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
