You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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