Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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