youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize