i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
