I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
