I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
