I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
