im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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