Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
pop tarts are not kleenex
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
