So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
