you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
