I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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