I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
