Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
