took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize