So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
