I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
