The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
high people should be assigned attendants
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
