somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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