Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
