There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
