just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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