Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
