office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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