wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
