so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
