I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
