I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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