I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize