i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
