Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize