who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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