my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
