I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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