yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
