I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
me + whiskey = a bad person
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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