puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize