I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
