haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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