Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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