im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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