she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
