just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
