i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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