they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
