i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You have to summon your inner elephant
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
