A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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