The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
