bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
