Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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