I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
