i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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