I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
