so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
