i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Where is the hickey?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
