Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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