he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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