I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
