Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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