I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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