Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
barbara walters just said penis...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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