True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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