tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
