Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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